


My Body, My Temple

by CaraLea



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Sexy Times, churboose - Freeform, i wrote this on the spur of the moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:02:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8080639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraLea/pseuds/CaraLea
Summary: Caboose is used to insults. It's not like name-calling is anything new to him. But Church's new names might be a little much for him. As for the lightish blue CO, well, there's nothing wrong with finding Caboose attractive. Until there is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is in 3 parts :P

Caboose was used to insults. That's how things go with friends. They act all upset whenever your around, call you names, sometimes shoot at you, and then they calm down. After a while, they start to treat you better and better until they start to act upset again. That's just how friendship works. In fact, all good relationships go that way. It's all he's ever known. His mom was the first. He could remember her crying and yelling one night, joking that "she'd never meant to have a mentally retarded child" before going to the store. She took a very long time at the store. She was actually still there.

Caboose's father was different. There were certainly times when even one like Caboose could tell he was frustrated, sometimes he would yell. He never ever called him names. Not once.

He'd had many friends in school. Lots and lots of friends. They'd affectionately call him nicknames, like "El Retardo" or "Chickenhead" or, his personal favorite, "Turd Brain". He knew deep down they didn't mean to be hurtful. They just liked to play games.

There was one kid in school who hated those names. He always hung out with Caboose if he could, but personally, Caboose didn't see why. He was popular in his own right. Even had his own list of nicknames nobody could seem to agree on.

The kid was real sportsy. He'd always be picked last for teams because nobody could decide on where he should go. Caboose wasn't popular enough to be picked last. In fact, he always managed to be picked first. Something about his "absurd upper body strength" and "dumber than a rock"-ness being in his way. He never understood this, and eventually stopped trying.

He remembered one day they'd found his more popular friend "hanging the gym". Caboose had chuckled. So that's where that rascal went to hang out? How come Caboose was not invited?

He never saw his friend after that, though he checked the gym often.

He remembered the day his dad had pulled him out of school clearer than ever. His many friends were again referring to him as their nicknames. A teach overheard and felt so compelled to tell his father. After that, he was homeschooled until the day he turned eighteen. He'd spent so much time with his father, working around the house, exercising, talking about fun stuff (like birdsong and delicious foods).

On his 18th birthday, his dad drove him to the office. Caboose had been there many times before. Often, the people there (stiff, upright people in uniforms similar to his father's) would sit him down and ask him questions, or make him do stuff like lift heavy things or run a lot. Caboose didn't like the questions part as much but the running and lifting he had no problem. These people couldn't lift heavy things and they needed him and he was glad to help.

Today was different, though. Something was wrong. "Are you sure you need him?" he remembered his father asking. "Of all people? _Him_?"

"Yes," the man with the most amount of pretty patches on his suit said. "He's perfect for the job." His father had gripped his arm so tight. Caboose's fingers went numb. "Don't worry," the man said, unusually soft. Caboose had never heard him speak so quietly before. "We'll take care of him for you."

Caboose remembered looking into the blue, blue eyes of his father. There was a look there that Caboose did not understand. "You be good, okay son?" his father choked. Caboose was startled to see his eyes were rather wet. "Do what you're told. Don't do anything reckless."

"Okay," Caboose said enthusiastically. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew if he agreed with his dad it would make him feel better.

His father pulled him into a tight hug. Caboose gripped back. "I love you, son," he heard his father's gruff voice whisper quietly. He leaned back, looking his beloved boy up and down one last time before turning and walking out the door.

"Are we leaving?" he'd asked, stepping forward to follow. A calloused hand, one of the ones belonging to the patched up guy.

"Not you sunny. You're coming with us."

That was the last time Caboose had ever seen his father.

Caboose began to make a whole bunch of new friends after that. And he was convinced he was in a movie. There were tanks, and guns, and all sorts of things that belonged in movies. He ran a lot. A lot. He was asked more than ever to lift heavy objects, and while he didn't mind helping people, he grew tired of it after a while. He missed his father and he kind of wanted to go home.

Still, he was having fun. And he was making new friends! They had all sorts of nicknames for him, "fuckface", "dirtbag", and "cumtwat" to name a few. These people seemed to be in a state of constant yelling and Caboose didn't understand why.

There were a lot of things Caboose didn't understand, but he went along with it anyway. He learned things too. Like how to shoot and stuff. He even got to spend time in space! It was more fun than he'd ever had in his life.

Until he was transferred to Blood Gulch. It wasn't until he got there that he finally found what he was missing. It was there he found his best friend.

…

Church glared in annoyance as the rookie once again did it wrong. "No, idiot!" he hissed waspishly. "It goes on the _counter_."

"Here?" Caboose asked, setting the burning hot tray on the table.

"No, not there!" Church snapped. "You're going to light it on fire! The counter, rookie!"

"Okay!" Caboose said, and went to set the tray on the bench.

" _The counter_!"

"Okay!" This time he went to put it in the sink. Only his foot caught on the bench and he tripped, face forward. The steaming hot pan slipped from his outstretched fingers and spilled, landing all over Church. The liquid was a byproduct of an experiment gone horribly wrong. He had every reason to believe it was actually acidic.

"Shit!" he exclaimed as his armor began smoking. Careful not to touch it, he hurriedly began pulling his armor off. Caboose dropped the pan and helped, tugging his shin coverings off of him while he pulled off the breast plate. "Don't touch me!" Church seethed, snatching his leg away. Caboose's hands hovered where his leg had been before moving to pull his own helmet off. Church froze mid-action, looking at the blonde man.

He couldn't help but get distracted by Caboose sometimes. What on earth was God thinking, making a man like him? Beyond strong, stunningly attractive, and ungodly stupid all rolled into one. Anyone with half a brain could get wrapped up in Caboose's baby face, matted blonde hair, and blue, blue eyes. The color of his armor.

There was a hissing noises followed by the tang of smoke. " _Ah_!" His hand snapped up. He waved it back and forth in an attempt to cool the burn.

"Church!" Caboose shouted.

"Get a rag with cold water," Church ordered through gritted teeth. He prayed Caboose knew what to do because couldn't handle it right now if he didn't. His heart pounded in his chest as he kicked the smoking armor away from him. He frowned at it, thinking. God _dammit_! Getting distracted by _Caboose_ again. Luckily the moron rarely removed his helmet. It made it easier to continue hating him if he couldn't look at him.

Caboose seemed to have understood Church's request, because he returned with a cool rag in hand. Church pressed it appreciatively into his aching hand. Already the pain was leaving. "Ahh," he groaned. "That's better."

He was still nursing his injured hand when Caboose leaned forward. "Here, let me help you." Both his hands came up, brushing Church's neck. He shuddered, mouth dropping as he felt the blonde soldier's hands dig into the underside of his helmet.

It had to be criminal, liking Caboose. The rookie was clearly missing more than a few brain cells. Church had to take special care for him, packing lunches and sometimes going as far to help him get dressed up in his armor when Caboose couldn't figure out how. Almost like dealing with a small child but with less intelligence.

Church didn't _like_ Caboose exactly. He was attracted to his good lucks and big muscles. Nothing that couldn't be handled or outright halted by the stupidity Caboose lived his life with.

But this, with Caboose's hands gently against his head, his fingers gently probing Church as he struggled to remove the helmet, stupid look of concentration on his face…this was too much. Church was overwhelmed by a sudden onslaught of thoughts and feelings. All at once, he wanted to smack the stupid soldier, the taste, to touch, he wanted to hear Caboose's voice, breathy from exertion, almost like his breathy laughs. He wanted to pull Caboose's tongue with his teeth, wrap his lips around the other man's, use his hands to tear that regulation blue straight off of the other man.

He gaped stupidly while Caboose finally pulled his helmet off of him. He blinked, gripping his hand much to tight to help with the pain anymore.

"There!" Caboose said finally, his mouth pulling up in a stupid grin that Church couldn't get enough of.

"God dammit Rookie you are such a fucking idiot," he murmured, too soft to sound like an insult. Caboose's eyes popped in the look of permanent confusion he seemed to always wear, however this was different. So innocent and trusting…

Church growled low in his throat and turned away abruptly. "Put your helmet on, fuckface!" he snapped, suddenly loud and twice as venomous as he wanted to sound.

"Yes sir!" Caboose chirped merrily, grabbing his helmet in his hands.

Church had had enough. "Don't talk to me like that!" he was yelling. "I'm your commanding officer, retard! Not your friend!"

Caboose stared at him with wide eyes, looking for possibly the first time Church had ever seen him, genuinely hurt. "You don't mean that. Of course we're friends."

It broke Church's heart to see Caboose like that. There was something really really wrong with him for yelling at innocent and stupid Caboose like he was. But the words, so aggressive that even Caboose couldn't miss it, were already tearing from his throat. "Guess again, _rookie_! I wouldn't be friends with you if you paid me real money, not that you have any!" he added. Insult to injury…

Caboose's lower lip trembled. Church knew he had gone too far but couldn't take it back now. "Church," Caboose tried, but his CO was having none of it.

" _Leave_!"

Caboose jumped to his feet and ran out of the room as though Church had…well Church had. He had a strong suspicion that the blue-eyed soldier was crying. He didn't care. (That was a lie, he totally cared). It was more important that he hurt Caboose this way than the other.

What was wrong with him? He didn't take pleasure in emotionally murdering his men. And that is what he had done. He had totally slaughtered Caboose emotionally, no getting around that.

He ran his injured hand through his hair and instant regretted it. "Ow!" he hissed, looking at it. There was a blister there. No more than he deserved.

The memory of Caboose leaning over him, of the strong urges he'd just fought off, fresh on his mind…. Feeling attraction to Caboose was one thing. In all honestly, he _was_ cute. No getting around that. There was even something about his moronic attitude that any caring person would find adorable. Perhaps 'caring' was a strong word to describe the periwinkle commander, but Church certainly wasn't cruel and it was easier to find Caboose _cute_ than it was to feel annoyance and hatred all the time.

Yet these feelings, these urges. They were something else entirely. What was wrong with him? Caboose himself had admitted he had no idea what sex was or how it worked. Pure virgin Caboose, innocent as a fucking dove and clueless as a fucking fruitfly. Wanting to-

Oh _God_ , did he really _want_ that? He tried to imagine what it was he really wanted. In a flash he could feel those sensations again. Touchy feely, strong muscles, gripping that blonde peach-fuzz in his hand and pulling hard. He bit his cheek inside his own mouth and pounded his fist onto the floor of the base, grounding himself back in reality.

Attraction to Caboose's good looks was one thing. It was even okay to find his stupidity childish and adorable all in one. Wanting to fuck his fucking brains out was something else entirely, and it was not an idea Church was willing to entertain.

At least not in public.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does Tucker think??

Tucker was used to Church being an asshole. It was kinda his thing. You see, in the Gulch, they all had their things. Tucker was the badass good looking Great Warrior from an ancient prophecy, Caboose was the mindless idiot with good intentions, and Church was the loudmouthed asshole leader. That's just how things go. Usually they each did their thing and let the others get on with their things, and that's how it is.

But even Tucker had to pause his badass heroics sometimes when things got out of balance. And today, things were definitely out of balance.

Caboose was a crybaby sometimes, that much was true. This time though, something had to be seriously wrong. Why else would the annoying rookie have kept him up _all_ goddamn night with his senseless wailing. Tucker was surprised Church hadn't noticed. (Or had managed to block is so successfully). Granted, Church usually slept elsewhere in the base. Tucker had to _share_ a room with the blubbering idiot. He had never felt pity for someone until that night.

Caboose hadn't come out of the barracks all day, something Tucker didn't bother fighting with. Let the poor guy sleep off his woes and, hopefully, the aqua-clad soldier wouldn't have to deal with it again tonight.

There was something wrong with Church too, although this one was much harder to pin down. He was clearly angry or upset with _someone_. It didn't take a stretch of the imagination to figure it out. There were only two other people in base, Tucker certainly hadn't been up crying his eyes out all freaking night.

But Caboose didn't take anything seriously because his poor brain simply could not do it. Church had always been nasty to him, throwing out mean remarks and calling him very rude names. Caboose had always laughed it off with ease.

Until now.

Albeit Tucker _had_ noticed a change in their "fearless" leader lately. These past couple of days, he'd been rather harsh. More than harsh. If Tucker didn't know him better, he'd have said Church was probably depressed and lashing out. But Church didn't get depressed, not even after Tex had disappeared again. So he was definitely angry at someone.

But Tucker didn't think it was Caboose. In fact, Tucker couldn't say _what_ exactly Church was mad at. If he had to take a stab, he'd say his leader was mad at himself. Caboose was always annoying or killing Church, and it had never gotten this bad before. And Tucker certainly couldn't recall doing anything to piss the cobalt leader off. The only other explanation that Church was actually angry with himself for some stupid shit and was now taking it out on the squad.

What a team player.

Caboose peeked into the room, his blue eyes wide with extreme nerves. "Hi guys," he peeped. Nobody responded at first. Tucker, feeling bad for the mentally ill man, finally answered after an entire minute had passed. "Hey Caboose."

The blonde seemed to take that as permission of sorts, because he came into the room after that. Only because Tucker had lived with Caboose for so long did he recognize the differences in his behavior. He wrung his hands nervously, eyes flitting between the two previous occupants and whimpered a little before he spoke. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Alright. You feeling better?" Tucker narrowed his eyes while Caboose twitched.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," he answered mechanically with a very forced laugh. "I am fine."

Tucker snorted derisively. "You were up crying all night!"

Caboose stared at him with those blue eyes round as dinner plates. "Tucker did it," he muttered after a moment. Tucker snorted again and shook his head.

"Whatever," he said, then added under his breath, "Moron."

Caboose turned his head, still wringing his hands together and finally seemed to acknowledge Church. Tucker's pity for the strong idiot intensified. His regulation blue eyes seemed almost taut, his hands clutching the other's knuckles so hard they turned white.

"H-hey Church," he stuttered. His eyes were not entirely focused on their leader.

Their cobalt companion growled low in his throat. It was almost feral. Tucker stared at him in surprise. It was not that Church was upset with Caboose in any way that confused him, but rather his intense reaction to it.

Caboose was too stupid to pick up on social cues though, and continued talking. "H-how are you?" His smile faltered as Church got to his feet.

"Get out," their leader snapped, eyes burning with anger. "Now!"

Caboose took a step back and chuckled nervously. "Yeah. You got it bud."

Church got to his feet. "I'm not your bud," he hissed. "I hate you with a burning passion!"

"Right," he laughed without humor. He seemed more scared than humorous. "That's funny Church."

Their leader lunged. " _Get out!_ " he screamed. " _Leave! NOW!_ "

The blonde idiot squealed, tearing out of the room with haste. Church sat back in his seat, glaring after him with all the burning hatred he claimed to have. Tucker watched his fist ball against the seat, watched the color fade from the skin while he pounded said fist against the armrest. And suddenly it clicked.

"You're frustrated!" he realized.

Church turned to glare at him. "No shit, dumbass!" He shook his head, rolling his eyes. "Anyone who knows that retard would be!"

"That's not what I meant," Tucker said, stifling a giggle. Church looked at him as though he'd said something very strange. He had not thought it would need explaining, but apparently it did. "Do you miss your girlfriend, Church?" He couldn't keep the laughter out of his voice anymore.

Church's jaw popped. "Fuck you, man."

Tucker's shoulder shook with the effort of holding his barking laugh in. "No way man, you're not my type!"

"Shut up!" Church groaned, leaning back. "God dammit Tucker what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Tucker sat forward, looking at Church with interest. "You gotta tell me something bro."

"No, I don't," Church mumbled, a flush in his cheeks.

"How do robots have sex?"

" _What?_ " he sputtered, turning to stare at Tucker with a shocked expression.

Tucker tilted his head, genuinely curious. "Well while you're over there busy missing your girlfriend, you don't really have the necessary…parts…to do anything, right?"

Church gaped at him. After a moment, he answered. "I can still have sex. I just can't get anyone pregnant." Tucker went to speak again but Church cut him off. "Sex feels good because you're stimulating a bundle of sensitive nerves. I can still do that. It's just not organic."

"And instead of orgasms you what?"

"Sensory overload."

Tucker shook his head. "Dude what the fuck does that even mean?"

Church rolled his eyes as if Tucker had just asked something obvious. "It's just like an orgasm dude. Feels fucking amazing."

"You know what, I don't want to know." Tucker got to his feet, just thinking that perhaps a long nap would do him wonders. "Just, you know, take care of it if you can, cause I don't wanna deal with Caboose keeping me up all night any more."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Church can't take it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally wanted to write this from Caboose's perspective, but I wasn't sure how. I didn't want to write it entirely from Church's perspective either, so I ended up with this sort of narration that bounces between them. I hope the message gets across! Enjoy! -CL

_Take care of it_.

Tucker's advice rang in Church's ears. In all honesty, it was sound advice. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it before. It was obvious! Get it done and over with and he could stop thinking about it.

Sensory overload. It was one of the sweetest sensations he'd ever felt. It was comparable to sex on many levels. He could remember sex very clearly. Sensory overload was altogether new to him.

He'd missed sex at first. His brain still wanted it even though his body was seemingly incapable of it. The day he'd discovered this new form of self-pleasure was one that stuck out in his mind. He'd been cleaning himself. Unlike the others, he couldn't just waltz into the showers when he was grimy at the end of a long day. Instead, he had the grueling task of wiping himself clean with baby wipes after a hot day in the sun.

It was one of those sexually frustrating days where he'd been thinking about his physical limitations, missing the sensation of the right touch. While he'd been wiping down, he'd somehow done it. Soft touch in the right locations and he'd been a hot mess.

He'd gone all night and into the day before he experienced his first overload. It was…well, there was no way to really describe it. Intense maybe? It had been too much. His eyes had temporarily lost function. There'd been a ringing in his ears.

That solved one problem, but here he was facing an altogether different situation. He was lusting after another person, a real human. How on earth was he supposed to make that work?

And why _Caboose_ , of all people?

Speaking of the moron…

"Caboose," he growled, freezing in his doorway. "Why are you in my room?"

Caboose roes to his feet, turning to face his leader with wide, worried eyes. "Sorry!" he chirped. "I was just- I mean I was hoping…I can go, if you want."

Many years ago, Caboose's father had given him advice: "Don't ever be afraid to admit your afraid," he could still hear the sage voice in his ears. "And if you're confused, say so." Caboose had always followed that advice. His father had been there to listen to him when he didn't know what else to do.

Well now his father was gone, and his teammates were all Caboose had left. Church was not a very nice person, but he _was_ their leader. Who else was Caboose going to turn to.

Church hesitated. "What do you want?" he inquired.

"I'm confused," Caboose whined, his lower lip trembling. "And scared."

"Scared of what?" Church asked, interested despite himself.

Caboose took a step toward him. "I don't know what I did wrong!" he wailed. "Church is my best friend and suddenly he doesn't like me at all!"

"Suddenly?" Church asked, not sure he was willing to believe how stupid Caboose was.

"Yes," Caboose continued. "I don't know what I did! Church, what did I do to upset Church? Why do you hate me?"

The question had barely left his lips when, out of nowhere, Church had slammed him back against the wall. There was silence while Caboose stared down at Church and Church glared at him, hand upon his chest.

Quite suddenly, their lips were pressed together. Caboose stood stock still in shock as Church's lips parted his. He could taste the other's tongue in his mouth, briefly. Church moved, bringing his mouth up Caboose's jawline to his ear. "I don't hate you, Rookie," he whispered.

Caboose didn't have time to answer before Church was kissing him again. The Blue Team leader's hands were all over him, one clenching against his shirt at his stomach, the other slipping up to rub his back. His breath was hard against Caboose's own, who found he was suddenly short on air himself. He didn't know why. He wasn't running.

This was all new to Caboose. He had never experienced anything like this before. Not knowing what else to do, he started mimicking. He let his fingers trail down Church's spine and bit his lip in nerves.

Church shuddered at the touch. "Wow Caboose," he breathed against the younger's face. "I didn't know you were so interested."

Caboose didn't know how to answer, and couldn't anyway because Church was all over him again. He could feel the other's hands, now under his shirt, over his pecks. His nipples were hard. It was a new sensation to Caboose, weird and strange and he liked it very much.

"God was cruel when he made you," Church decided. "So stupid" he drew his hand through Caboose's blonde hair. "Such a pretty face" another kiss "so strong" his hand ran down Caboose's chest "and I'll bet He even made you- "

Church cupped him, through his pants, in a _very_ personal place. Caboose gasped at the rush of sensations that came from there, his back smacking the wall and his eyes popping. "Oh dude," Church chuckled, his face pressed against Caboose's cheek. "You are _hung_." He latched his mouth to Caboose's neck.

"Church," Caboose breathed. "That feels _good_."

Church was suddenly aware of how hard Caboose felt through the fabric, of the way he was grinding his hips instinctually against Church's hand. An idea popped into his head. He chuckled again, pulling his lips away from Caboose's neckline. "I bet it does," he whispered. "I'll bet it feels real good. But you know what?" he pulled his hand away, fingering gently at his pantline. "I can make it feel better, if you want."

Overloading was his second want now. Now, he wanted to get Caboose off. He knew that the dumb warrior hadn't had sex before. Unless he'd spent ample time touching himself, Caboose had probably never got off before. Church wanted to be the one to break that streak.

But he couldn't just go to town on the rookie. Already what he was doing was borderline sexual assault. Church really didn't want to add rape to his list of accomplishments, especially not on _Caboose_. In order to proceed with his plan, he'd have to obtain the younger's permission.

"Do you want me to?" he asked seriously, trying to impress upon Caboose the weight of this decision.

Caboose didn't hesitate. "Yes."

"You want me to touch you?"

"I want you to touch me."

Church didn't need any more prompting. He plunged his hand in, palming the rookies cock and rubbing. He grinned at the immediate reaction from the latter. His eyes popped, his jaw dropped, a breathy moan escaped.

There was still confusion in his gaze, as if he did not entirely understand what was happening. But that slowly faded as Church got into a good rhythm, gaining momentum with time. He locked his lips back onto Caboose's neck, sucking so hard he knew he'd leave a mark. The rookie grunted in response, but Church didn't let that slow him down. "Do you like that, rookie?" he whispered in his ear.

"Y-yes Church!" Caboose moaned. Once he had vocalized, he couldn't stop. His breath was coming in hard gasps, some sounds of pleasure escaping as they went forward.

Caboose's legs gave out underneath him, and he slid down the wall. Church went with him, not breaking rhythm as they went. He pushed a little faster. Caboose squeezed his eyes shut, his face crunching. "Ch-Church," he panted. "I think I'm going to- _ah_!"

He came hard, all over Church's hand and in his pants. Church finished him off with a gentle rock, following the motion of Caboose's hips. When he was done, Church pulled his hand out, looking down where Caboose was laying on the floor. The blonde was a hot mess, entirely out of breath, limbs laying limp on the ground. It was the eyes that made Church smile. They were glazed over from the experience, a lazy grin on his face.

Church got to his feet first, crossing the room to his drawers where he pulled out a fresh pair of pants for the rookie. Then he went to his bathroom and got tissues to clean up. He helped Caboose clean up. It seemed the warrior didn't trust his legs yet, as he was unwilling to get up.

"Church," he said, voice almost back to normal.

"Yeah?" he asked, taking over has he pulled the boy's pants down to help him change.

"Can you get mad at me more often?"

Church smiled with both humor and excitement. "Whatever, moron."


End file.
